Tonight, and the rest of my life, I want to live for YOU

You know how we all say we would do anything for God, but then we complain and agonize when things don't seem to be going our way, when we're stuck in, what we consider, a mediocre, unfulfilling job.

For my entire life, I've reassured God (like He really needed my reassurance)that I would do anything and go anywhere that He wanted to send me. Mexico. China. Zimbabwe. Canada. Los Angeles. Call me and I will go. Ha! I've spend the majority of my life wondering if I was outside of God's will because I just didn't seem to be doing big things for the Lord. Why am I still in the Rogue Valley if there are unsaved people in India?

And then today, God spoke SO intensely to me that I could not doubt any longer that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. Living in Talent, OR, working 9-5 at a doctors office in Medford, serving at the Ashland Christian Fellowship. God has placed me at Oregon Surgical Specialists for a reason: to save lost souls! How could I have not realized this the first day I got the job a little over a year ago? Why did it take me 365 days of grumbling and complaining, soul searching, agonzing, questioning God, to finally realize that THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR MY LIFE right now. Maybe in a month I'll be somewhere else, but for June 29, 2009, I finally feel like I am where I belong. How refreshing it is to rest in God's plan instead of fretting over fulfilling my own. If God wants me to get my Masters in Teaching - cool. If God wants to hook me up with an amazing husband - I'm ready. If God wants me to keep working at OSS for the next 30 years so that 1 person might be saved - bring it on! I'm up for anything as long as the Lord is behind it.

Lord,
Thank you SO SO SO much for speaking into my life. Thank you for direction and times of searching. Thank you for when my heart is overflowing with joy and love and thank you for the droughts that draw me closer to You.

Time for a Change

"Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." ~Colossians 4:6

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." ~Ephesians 4:29

"Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world." ~Philippians 2:14-15

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us." ~2 Corinthians 4:7

I'm starting to feel that God is calling me to lay aside my sarcasm. I tend to use it to: a)keep people at a distance -or- b)make people laugh at any expense. When I distance myself from other people I am not allowing myself to be open to great things, amazing people God has for me. When I make people laugh, I am ultimately glorifying myself.

I want to have sarcasm-free, God-glorifying, edifying, uplifting, conversations with everyone I meet. I want to talk to you, coffee in hand, about things that matter, things that will last. Friendship, eternal life, the salvation of souls.

Lord, I pray that you would use my life. Change me. Take away the sarcastic humor that I have so long prided myself in. Empty me. Be the words I speak.

Morning Worship

Morning worship has been good for my soul. There's something so motivating about starting off the day with the Lord. Friday morning proved to have that same affect. The worship leader played, "Amazing Love" and everytime he would go back to the chorus, my heart overflowed with joy and excitement. "In all I do, I honor You" are the words that convict me over and over again. Am I really honoring the Lord in ALL I do?

This has got to be a lifestyle. I can no longer pick and choose which areas of my life I will honor God with. Everything I do/say/think needs to be a reflection of Godly character and purity. God gave me this life in the first place. I will do everything I can to honor Him. But I may need to be reminded once in a while, so if you're my friend and you're reading this, feel free to call out my sin and remind me that God is my reason for living, breathing, working, singing, etc.

Constant Joy; Unconditional Love

"Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My judgements and do them. Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people and I will be your God." ~ Ezekiel 36:25-28

Lord, please remove this heart stone. Rip it out. Do what You have to do. I'm ready to rid myself of all that is distracting me from growing closer to You. Nothing in this world is as satisfying as just a few minutes in Your presense. You are all I need.

Let my joy be constant. No more of this roller coaster emotion. You are always the same; You never change. Remind me of that. Remind me when I'm down in the dumps, when things don't go my way, when people frustrate me and hurt my feelings. Remind me when things are going great, when the sun is shining and life is good.

The point of all this is You. You're the reason I wake up in the morning. You're the reason I go to work each day. You're the reason I have the friends I have, sing the songs I sing, breathe the air I breathe. You're bigger than everything that is going on around me. You love me more than anyone can or ever will. Let me rest in that tonight. Let me proclaim Your love to the masses. Use my life, Lord.

"We'll never be ready if we keep waiting...

for the perfect time to come." ~ Never Be Ready, Mat Kearney

I want to know that I'm beautiful, that I'm worth fighting for. I want you to help guard my heart and esteem me above all others. I want to be a mystery that you would do anything to solve.

Protect me, challenge me, reassure me.

I may be scared of just about everything, but I don't want to stay that way forever. Don't be afraid to push me and spur me on toward trying new things.

Lead me, guide me, teach me.

Let's read our bibles, volunteer to hang out with the elderly, play our guitars. Let's go star-gazing, hiking, canoeing, camping.

Maybe these aren't things that sound fun to you, but to me they mean the world.