Row, row, row your boat

Today was the first day of the rest of your life. It was also a day which you had been highly anticipating for months, for years. Today you started grad school and you did so by singing a round, or three, of "Row, row, row your boat" with your fellow grad school students. You know which boat I'm talking about. The metaphorical boat the will guide us all gently down the streams of life if we row together as a team.

Your frustrated because your usual cynical nature detests when people make cheesy metaphors out of something that really might just be a boat. But for the sake of grad school, for the sake of good grades, for the sake of pleasing your professors and appeasing your cohorts, you will do your part in rowing the boat until you all have made it safely to shore around this time next year.

And while you do question the validity of the song - Life is but a dream? Really? - you realize that to succeed in life, you may have to set aside your prejudices, open your mind and see the value in other people's opinions, despite how different they may be from your own.

"I'm a plane in the sunset, with no where to land."

I want to do something crazy. Not bad crazy, just random, brave, out-of-the ordinary crazy. The problem is that I'm a planner so while I want to pack my bags, start the car and hit the open road, I know that I a) couldn't get very far with the money I have b) would be incredibly bored by myself c) gravity. Gravity is doing more than keeping me perpendicular to the ground. It's keeping me from saying the things I want to say and doing the things I want to do. I can't stop thinking that for the next year of my life, I'm going to have a very regimented schedule. And while I've never been a very daring person, the idea of living through my daily planner for the next 12 months does not sound enticing. Sometimes I want to throw caution to the wind and then deal with the reprecusions later.

Maybe I'm scared. Maybe I'm terrified. I'm just so bored with the monotony of life. I envy people who roam from place to place with no agenda.

I explained all this to my mom and she told me to count my blessings and I feel like for the most part, I do. I am very thankful for the family and friends I have, the house I live in, the food I eat, the inside jokes we share, etc. But I'm ready for more. I'm ready to have someone to share all this with. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life sharing the monotous things - grocery shopping, paying bills, chores, etc. I'm also ready to share adventures. I'm ready to go backpacking, sleep under the stars, spend the day floating in a boat. God must know all this since He's the one who created me. He must know that all the desires of my heart will come to fruition when vows are exchanged and the sweet words "I do" are at long last spoken. I know, but I don't know, that I need to be content while being single.

I've never wanted to great things. I've never wanted to go on a safari or to own a big fancy house or to have a career. It's times like these when I feel the one thing I want is the one thing I may never have. It's so frustrating because mediocre marriages happen all the time, yet I want a God-centered, God-glorifying, God-appointed marriage and it's not happening. What's the hold up? Is it me?