The land that I love

I could stand to go home. To sit and watch the rain with you. This great wind couldn't keep me from the land I love. A land of towering, majestic Redwoods and the mighty Pacific Ocean. I could spend my days wandering your rocky shores and meandering through your dense forests.

For now, I'll sit here. Alone with my thoughts. Accompanied by the ferocious wind howling outside. Wishing I could sit here and write all day, but realizing that at this point in my life, writing doesn't pay the bills. It simply gets me through the day.

5k here I come

I'm training for a 5k. It's not until April 10, but I've been very negligent about working out. Someone I know said that if I worked out between three and five days a week, he'd run the Pear Blossom with me. So far I've averaged about one day a week which means I'll probably be running alone. I'm okay with that. I'd much rather have a running partner, but things don't always work out like we want them to. Maybe he'll change his mind and take pity on me. :)

I went online and downloaded a couple 5k Training Guide. I'll average them out and see which one suits me best. The nice thing is that they're all mapped out for about two months. I have a little over two months before the Pear Blossom so if I start OFFICIALLY training tomorrow, I'll be ahead of the game. Yippee.

In more exciting news, I turned my grad school app in two weeks ago. Interviews are Feb 15 through Feb 26. Notification letters are sent April 1. I hope these next few months fly by and I hope even more that I get accepted into the teaching program. I'm trying to remain neutral and not get my hopes up. If for some reason I don't get accepted, I would LOVE to get my Masters in Creative Writing. I'd be the happiest girl in the world if I could write for a living.

In less exciting news, I'm still having funky abdominal pain. Docs are gonna do a procedure in Feb to see if they can find out what's causing it.

Poetry in Starbucks - a collection of visible words and not-quite tangible thoughts

Hoping out of bed and thinking about one thing: gifts that unite. From Africa to Africa: gifts from your favorite places. Christmas blend: gifts, but with a purpose. As if the purpose of giving wasn't purpose enough. Shade grown: like the confusion and bitterness that recently started accumulating near the tree in the backyard and also noticeable in parts of my heart.
What you said was true: I do worry too much. I wear worry on my heart and on my sleeve. I hand it out like candy at a Fourth of July parade. It's the stone I'm holding onto; the deathgrip that doesn't want to let go.

Mt Ashland by moonlight

It seems as if all the world should be quietly slumbering, as we sit here on this snow-covered mountain. The fog is hovering above the valley, but we've chosen to rise above it all. We've managed to escape and here we are, you and me and this mountain that welcomes us with open arms. Up here there are no worries, only the stars awaiting the moon's arrival out of the fog. If we stayed here long enough, we could watch the sunrise. Come morning, we'll be long gone and the memory of what was will be as bleak as the view of this mountain from my bedroom window.
In a few hours, this too will be a memory.

Christmas Eve morning

This mountainous region beckons me home. Hills laden with trees. Blue sky that will soon be a canopy of stars. The river, teaming with rapids, flows alongside this highway that will soon lead me to the family that has been anxiously awaiting my arrival all morning.

Broken

I said, break my heart if that's what You have to do. You listened, and that's what You're doing. So why do I keep stuffing these pebbles in my pockets, when You've promised that if I would only empty my hands and stretch out my arms, You would be there, ready to fill the void.

This is where I am.

Broken and broken-hearted. Trying to decipher a meaning for all of this, most importantly, YOUR meaning for this. My arms are open wide, longing for a comforting hug that can only from the Father.

Meet me here tonight, Lord. I desperately need You.

Surrender

You really do know what You're doing. You've got this under control. I will rest in that tonight and every night for the rest of my life and I will proclaim it daily if that's what it takes.
Even when problems prevail and it seems there's no possible solution. Even when life is hard and emotions run rampant. Even when something happens that I don't like or You do something that I think I could do better. You are in control. Not me.

This is surrender. This is laying down my life to the One who gave me life in the first place. This is realizing that this life IS NOT ABOUT ME. This is about being kind when people are hateful. This is about finding constant joy in the Lord despite the current circumstance.

"But the end of all things is at hand; therefore by serious and watchful in your prayers. And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sings. Be hospitable to one another without grumbling." ~ 1 Peter 4:7-9