Rise to the Occasion

My heart broke today - and for the first time in a long time, it wasn't for myself. I've only been student teaching for one week, yet I already feel a compassion for students who two weeks ago I couldn't have picked out in a crowd. Now I find myself wanting to defend them, wanting to make all their hurts go away, wanting to wrap my arms around them, as a mother would, and let them know "it will be alright."

But what if it isn't all right? What if the problems plaguing them now never go away? What if the damage caused by parents, friends, and bullies sticks with them, haunting them every day for the rest of their lives? What then?

What about the kid who comes to school hungry, who doesn't have money for food or clothes? Who will take care of him? What about the girl who was abused, who now has suicidal thoughts, who has the emotional mentality of a three year old?

Everyone is fighting a battle. We can't just "leave our problems at the door." Yet this is what we expect students to do.

One of the grad school mantras is that "we teach who we are." I am caring and
compassionate. I am concerned for the well-being of my friends, my family and now my students. I laugh when things are funny, and sometimes when they are not. I dwell on things. I worry, but not near as much as I used to. I like to call things as I see 'em. I am a planner, a problem solver, a thinker. I have a let's-get-to-the-bottom-of-this mentality. I have a disdain for injustice. I don't know how someone can hurt an innocent, defenseless person. I had to fight back tears today while hearing about the homelives of many of my students. I find myself fighting back tears quite often. I think every person has value, every life is worth living. I don't understand violence. I avoid confrontation. Yet right now I find myself wanting to confront all the problems in the world, or at least the problems facing my students. I find myself almost sick with frustration as I contemplate the everyday woes my students, and people worldwide, are facing.

How can I make things better?

I am not just a future English teacher. I am a woman who will take a stand. I am a woman who will rise to the occasion. If I cry, you will see my tears. If I think something is funny, you will hear my laughter. If I am frustrated, you will know, because passive will no longer be an adjective used to describe me. If I teach "who I am" then I cannot sit back and ignore the injustice all around me.