"I'm a plane in the sunset, with no where to land."

I want to do something crazy. Not bad crazy, just random, brave, out-of-the ordinary crazy. The problem is that I'm a planner so while I want to pack my bags, start the car and hit the open road, I know that I a) couldn't get very far with the money I have b) would be incredibly bored by myself c) gravity. Gravity is doing more than keeping me perpendicular to the ground. It's keeping me from saying the things I want to say and doing the things I want to do. I can't stop thinking that for the next year of my life, I'm going to have a very regimented schedule. And while I've never been a very daring person, the idea of living through my daily planner for the next 12 months does not sound enticing. Sometimes I want to throw caution to the wind and then deal with the reprecusions later.

Maybe I'm scared. Maybe I'm terrified. I'm just so bored with the monotony of life. I envy people who roam from place to place with no agenda.

I explained all this to my mom and she told me to count my blessings and I feel like for the most part, I do. I am very thankful for the family and friends I have, the house I live in, the food I eat, the inside jokes we share, etc. But I'm ready for more. I'm ready to have someone to share all this with. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life sharing the monotous things - grocery shopping, paying bills, chores, etc. I'm also ready to share adventures. I'm ready to go backpacking, sleep under the stars, spend the day floating in a boat. God must know all this since He's the one who created me. He must know that all the desires of my heart will come to fruition when vows are exchanged and the sweet words "I do" are at long last spoken. I know, but I don't know, that I need to be content while being single.

I've never wanted to great things. I've never wanted to go on a safari or to own a big fancy house or to have a career. It's times like these when I feel the one thing I want is the one thing I may never have. It's so frustrating because mediocre marriages happen all the time, yet I want a God-centered, God-glorifying, God-appointed marriage and it's not happening. What's the hold up? Is it me?