Oh Happy Day!

I shouldn’t have to hide in my own house. I shouldn’t be accosted when walking through my front door. I shouldn’t have to spend hours listening to a travelling vacuum salesman drone on and on about the Kirby 5000.
But I am hiding. I was accosted. And according to my clock, it’s been almost 2 hours since Vacuum Boy and his fearless leader, Crooked Teeth, entered my house – and it looks like they’re not in any hurry to leave.
This is a short story waiting to be written.

Amy arrived home around 1 in the afternoon only to be greeted by two travelling vacuum salesmen whom had already made themselves a little too comfortable in her home. As she walked through the open front door, a man with astonishingly crooked teeth and a conniving smile extended his hand and boldly declared, “You have really nice carpet. But if you’re going to be buying this house, you need a good vacuum to make sure all the unwanted dirt gets removed. This is really expensive carpet, probably the best out there.”

Amy, confused and annoyed that Crooked Teeth and his sidekick, Vacuum Boy, had taken over her living room, sent a questioning glance toward her roommates direction. Her roommate, the innocent victim in this sad, sad story, smiled and said, “I already told them we weren’t going to buy a vacuum, but they insisted on demonstrating anyways,” she paused. “At least we’ll have a clean carpet.”
True, Amy thought, but she wasn’t convinced that this was such a good idea. Amy is rather skeptical when it comes to salesmen, especially cheesy ones who insist they are “not salesmen.”

“I’m not a salesman,” said Vacuum Boy, the one doing the dirty work. “I’m just trying to change lives and help people live and breathe healthier.” As he was saying this, he was removing pods of dirt from the vacuum and placing them in random locations around the house, specifically, Amy’s desk.
“I’d prefer if you don’t put your dirt piles on my desk. I have allergies and I really don’t want that stuff on my stuff.”
“Well,” piped VB, “I have to save all this to show my boss.”
“Why would your boss need to see this? I don’t get it.”
“He just does.”

At this point, Amy was even more leery of the two creeper salesmen lurking around her house, so she opted to hide out in her bedroom and let the valiant (and tactful) Chelsey deal with the men. Although Amy is easily annoyed, she’s also extremely nosy and curious. Eavesdropping is definitely her thing – along with interrupting other people’s conversations. It’s just something she’s good at.
This would make a great blog, Amy told herself. Thus she began typing the blog to end all blogs. Or at least the blog to distract her from what was really going on in her house.

“Holy cow. Get out of my freaking house. They’ve been here for over 2 hours. These are the most annoying men I have ever come into contact with. Thankfully Chels is good at holding her own, otherwise I’d have to go out there and set these swindlers straight. But for now, I’m hiding out in my room.
How many times does she have to tell him she doesn’t want to buy the Kirby vacuum?
Sounds like Vacuum Boy is an aspiring firefighter. Apparently scamming people out of ridiculous amounts of money is not a fulfilling career. Now he’s playing the sympathy card. I don’t think Chels is going to lose any sleep knowing that VB doesn’t own a Kirby because he can’t afford one, even with his employee discount.
“Doggone money,” said an apathetic Chelsey, “Wish it grew on trees.” Her words were dripping with disdain.”

Just when Amy thought it couldn’t get any worse, ol’ Crooked Teeth came back. Since VB couldn’t sell Chels a vacuum, CT figured he had a better shot. Wrong.
This guy is driving me bananas, Amy thought. And I’m not even in the same stinkin’ room. I can’t sit here and let Chels be harassed by dumb and dumber any longer.
With that, Amy made her way to the kitchen to put a cup in the dishwasher, a mere excuse to walk by CT and give him the eye.

“And what do you think of all this, maam?” questioned Crooked Teeth, a cheesy grin slathered on his face.

Amy knew what she had to do. It was now or never. No more cowering behind closed doors. No more blogging about what she wished she would have done. It was time to live in the present.

“I think that you are really annoying. You’ve been here for way too long and you’re really obnoxious. That’s what I think.”

From there, Chels took care of ridding the ABC house of its evil pursuers. Now the ABC’s can live happily-ever-after, knowing that they have the cleanest carpet this side of Wal*Mart.