A couple of months ago, I looked up the word testimony. Some of the definitions I read were “evidence in support of a fact or assertion” and “a public declaration regarding a religious experience.”
So where does this leave my testimony? Do I even have a testimony? Or do we just misuse the word in lieu of story?
Most likely, if I were to share my testimony, it would be in a church-like setting, surrounded by other christians. Yet I truly believe that a testimony is a testimony, whether a person is christian or not. So if my testimony is that God is my savior, the reason I live, my strength when I am weak – then I need to be declaring this at all times, not just in the safety of the church.
I don’t know where I would be if it weren’t for God, but then, none of us do. It’s by the Lord’s grace that I am saved. It’s by His love that I am changed everyday, aiming to become more like Him. It’s by His faithfulness that I am not some bitter old hag drinking away my sorrows.
Dec 29, 2007 is when my life changed. I’ve never heard the Lord’s voice more clear than I did that night. I was worried that my Christian friends would think I was silly for rededicating my life to the Lord and getting baptized. After all, I’ve been serving in the church for years and worshipping the Lord for even longer. How could I, the girl who’d been saved since age 10, not be saved? Altar calls were for “other” people. Rededication was always for someone else. I was already “saved” and I definitely did my share of serving in the church – worship team, high school youth group, children’s church, coffee shop ministry, mission trips, volunteering. Little did I know, I was serving my pride, feeding my ego, convincing myself that I was “doing everything heartily unto the Lord.” But I wasn’t. Everything I’ve ever done has been because I wanted to do it, or because it was the “cool” thing to do.
Cool is not enough. Love is. Unfortunately, love is something I was lacking.
How could I have been serving God for all those years, yet still have a hardened heart toward the people I supposedly was serving? The biggest thing I struggle with is judging rather than loving. I struggle with pride and at the same time, insecurity (but not so much anymore).
Needless to say, God was calling me to rededicate my life. And by obeying His sweet words, my life is being totally blessed and I’m already starting to grow. I’m willing to change, I’m ready to let the Lord’s love pour in and out of me, as He see fits.
So this is my testimony: God is good, amazingly good. So good that we can’t even comprehend it. And He loves us more than we’ll ever be able to fathom. Who wouldn’t want a love like that?
And although “growing pains” are often uncomfortable, they’re simply shaping us into who the Lord wants us to be.
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