Just friends

Why isn't this getting any easier? Why do I feel as though the distance is creeping in on me, reminding me that we are only going to continue to grow farther apart?

To everything there is a season

I seem to be entering into a season of change, so I thought, why not take inventory of all of the things I've always wanted to, but never have - I shall aptly call them: goals. Sound the trumpets!

1. Become outdoorsy: I want to do it all - go backpacking, pee in the woods, not shower for days, bathe in a lake, pitch a tent, cook food over a campfire, roast marshmallows, sleep under the stars

2. Not be afraid to meet new people/reconnect with acquaintences: My least favorite part of being human is establishing connections with complete strangers. I want to shed this fear, this insecurity. I want to love with all my heart and not be so introverted and awkward when talking to people I don't know very well.

3. Travel: Colorado, Montana, Canada, the Greek Isles, Switzerland. I want to go somewhere. I'm ready for an adventure outside the great state of Oregon. Don't get me wrong, I do love Oregon, but I am ready for a change of scenery. Along with travelling...

4. Establish a savings account that has funds in it for more than 2 months: Do I really need to say more?

5. I want to play my guitar and sing at an open mic. I want to write songs that don't rhyme. I want to not be nervous playing music in front of people other than my roommates. I want to expand my guitar-playing skills as well as my vocal abilities.

Winter

It's cold here. Really cold. The kind of cold that makes you want to put on a parka and cuddle by the fire until the middle of summer.

The heat is not on and hasn't been for days. It will probably stay this way until the beginning of next winter when the wind starts howling and the rain starts pounding on the roof overhead. The roof that has spent many a winter sheltering you from the elements; it can protect you from the rain, but it could never keep you safe from the storm that's raging in your mind or the bitterness that's brewing in your heart.

Your aching to push back the curtains and let His love shine in - let the warmth radiate to the depths of your weary, wounded soul. But you fight it.

It doesn't have to be this way - you with your calloused heart, pushing people away. Let love have it's way. Allow the Lord to shower you with the blessing, peace and comfort that only He can give.

Step out on the line. Take some risks, some dares, some chances. Fall into the arms of the One that loved and knew you before time began. His mercy will meet you where you are. Allow the Lord to move in your life. Allow Him to redecorate with peace, kindness, gentleness, longsuffering, joy, love, beauty, faith, hope and so much more.

Be it what you will, this is what it is.

She waited. Patiently. Fervently praying that God would guide her every move, direct her steps in such a way that would bring glory to the maker of the heavens and the earth. In all she did, her aim way to honor Him, the one she loved, the one worth waiting for.

He was perfect. Full of radiant life and love, He embodied the humbleness of a man who would find himself dead on a cross, only to be raised three days later - to silence all our unbelief, to wash away all our sins.

She found herself at His feet, the only place she felt she belonged. Where else could she go? No one would understand. No one knew her heart's desires like He did. No one treated her with such passion and grace. He made her feel worthy, beautiful, loved.

The love of Christ compelled her to extend grace, to spread joy and love to everyone she came into contact with. It was not easy. At times it seemed impossible. But she knew this is what she was called to do. This was her purpose.

He said there’s hope. Like the first flower to bloom in the spring, a gentle reminder that life is on its way. She could not see herself with any one else. Although she tried, yours was the face she always came back to.

This not failure, rather a means to succeed.

He has the big picture hanging on his wall. She only has a few remnants of puzzle pieces with which to judge this circumstance by. She see the days, weeks, and months. He sees eternity. An eternity in which he thinks about her every minute. But with these thoughts come hope and pleasant expectation. What will be, will be.

Until then, my love, you’re my favorite part of every day. Dreaming of you passes the time and eases the frustration caused by the subtle distance - the reality that you’re only a few breaths away.

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

I say, if you haven't seen it and even if you have, go watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

Love. Is. Enough.

A couple of months ago, I looked up the word testimony. Some of the definitions I read were “evidence in support of a fact or assertion” and “a public declaration regarding a religious experience.”
So where does this leave my testimony? Do I even have a testimony? Or do we just misuse the word in lieu of story?

Most likely, if I were to share my testimony, it would be in a church-like setting, surrounded by other christians. Yet I truly believe that a testimony is a testimony, whether a person is christian or not. So if my testimony is that God is my savior, the reason I live, my strength when I am weak – then I need to be declaring this at all times, not just in the safety of the church.

I don’t know where I would be if it weren’t for God, but then, none of us do. It’s by the Lord’s grace that I am saved. It’s by His love that I am changed everyday, aiming to become more like Him. It’s by His faithfulness that I am not some bitter old hag drinking away my sorrows.

Dec 29, 2007 is when my life changed. I’ve never heard the Lord’s voice more clear than I did that night. I was worried that my Christian friends would think I was silly for rededicating my life to the Lord and getting baptized. After all, I’ve been serving in the church for years and worshipping the Lord for even longer. How could I, the girl who’d been saved since age 10, not be saved? Altar calls were for “other” people. Rededication was always for someone else. I was already “saved” and I definitely did my share of serving in the church – worship team, high school youth group, children’s church, coffee shop ministry, mission trips, volunteering. Little did I know, I was serving my pride, feeding my ego, convincing myself that I was “doing everything heartily unto the Lord.” But I wasn’t. Everything I’ve ever done has been because I wanted to do it, or because it was the “cool” thing to do.
Cool is not enough. Love is. Unfortunately, love is something I was lacking.

How could I have been serving God for all those years, yet still have a hardened heart toward the people I supposedly was serving? The biggest thing I struggle with is judging rather than loving. I struggle with pride and at the same time, insecurity (but not so much anymore).

Needless to say, God was calling me to rededicate my life. And by obeying His sweet words, my life is being totally blessed and I’m already starting to grow. I’m willing to change, I’m ready to let the Lord’s love pour in and out of me, as He see fits.

So this is my testimony: God is good, amazingly good. So good that we can’t even comprehend it. And He loves us more than we’ll ever be able to fathom. Who wouldn’t want a love like that?

And although “growing pains” are often uncomfortable, they’re simply shaping us into who the Lord wants us to be.