In the multitude of words...

Tact, I agree, is a good thing. But it's not something I always use. It's not that I try to be awkward and offensive, it just comes out that way sometimes. It's never my intention to sound cynical and pessimistic, it just sort of happens. These may sound like excuses, and maybe they are, but I can honestly, unabashedly say right now that sometimes I get tired of sugar coating my words. Why beat around the bush when you can grab a machete and blunder your way through it?

My conviction rests in Proverbs 10:19: "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise."

I don't restrain my lips. In fact, I seem to do quite the opposite. I'll impose my opinion on just about any subject to just about anyone, without any thought of how it may affect those around me.

I know I need to change, but my flesh, my pride, won't let me. Lord, this is where YOU come in. This is where I let go and You take over and change my heart. How I long to have the countenance of a quiet and gentle spirit! How I long to be a woman who chooses her words wisely, who allows the Lord to speak mightily through here, who listens for the still, small voice even if it takes hours or days.

This is what I've come to realize: Sin is not lacking in my life, You are. I have been so caught up in doing and going and being, that I fail to take time out to pray and read my bible. Forgive me, Lord. Place Godly desires in my heart. Cleanse me of my selfishness and pride. Convict me when I speak out of turn or say something that doesn't need to be said.

After a short haitus and a computer virus, it is time to return to the wonderful world of blogging. Here's an update on my life as of late.

Sarah, our new roommate, moved in a couple of weeks ago. She's awesome and so much fun!!! We've been decorating up a storm. The new photograph hanging on the wall is beckoning me to jump in, Mary Poppins' style, and explore Paris in the fall. Oh, how I would love to walk, hand-in-hand (if I had someone's hand to hold), down the tree-lined pathway covered in a quilt of fallen leaves. Autumn is most definitely my favorite of the 4 seasons. The colors, the crisp, sometimes biting air, sweaters, hot chocolate, conversations by the fireplace.

Work is work. I keep feeling that God has put me here on the earth to do more than work monday through friday, nine to five. At the same time, I don't want to discount the fact that He has me where I am right now for a reason. However, if it were up to me, I'd sell all I own, buy a VW van, pack my sleeping bag, guitar and camera, and travel across this great country. I'd stop to take pictures of God's amazing creation. I'd write poetry about the rustling leaves and purple mountains majesty. I'd play my guitar and sing at the top of my lungs as the sun set over distant hills.

Bri came to visit last week. It was SO GOOD to see her. While I'm excited to see where God is taking her, I feel like part of my heart is missing when she is away. I feel blessed beyond belief that the Lord has given me such amazing friends. If only they would stay put, so we could all hang out more than once every 3 months. :)

When did 'friend' become a verb?

Friend as a noun: Leah is my friend.

Friend as an adverb/adjective: Chelsey is friendly.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing pleasure, friend as a verb: You friended her mom? On Facebook? How does that even work?

Oh, what a night!

I'm deinitely enjoying this break in the weather. I'll take cloud-covered skies over thousand degree weather any day. A couple of nights ago, however, I sensed a storm was-a-brewin'. So I decided to light a candle, in case the power went out.

There I was, sitting, lighting a match, when - SNAP! The match broke, and conveniently fell on my bare leg. I freaked. I brushed the flames off my leg and onto the bathroom rug. Then, like the madwoman that I am, turned on the sink faucet, cupped my hands underneath, and dumped heaps of water on that little flame. Once the fire was out, I cried. Hard. For a ridiculously long time.

After I stopped crying, I tried to fall asleep, but was suddenly awoken with the urge to regurge... all the food I had ate before church. Suffice it to say, I may never eat salsa or string cheese again. Just the thought...

I spent the rest of the night curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor. I covered myself with bathroom towels since I was too crippled to get a blanket from my bed. Vomiting is not something I enjoy doing, but I seemed to be an all-star at the sport last night.

The next morning I woke up and went to the doctor. They did an abdominal x-ray and decided to refer to me to a Gastro doc (it may take weeks to get in). I'm trying to stay positive and think that everything will be okay, but part of me is a little worried because I have been having so many issues that don't seem to be resolving.

Lucky for me, Chelsey drove 3 hours to play nurse and take care of me. God sure blessed me with amazing friends. I spent most of the weekend lounging around watching movies which is really really out of the ordinary for me. I'm still not feeling too swell, but there's no need to throw a pity party, right?

And on a much more exciting note, our new roommate finally moved in after months of anticipation. So exciting. She is super cool - she plays the guitar and seems to have a great sense of humor - what else does a person need? :)

If life has background music, playing your song, I've gotta be honest, I tried to escape you, but the orchestra plays on...

It never fails. I go to the grocery in a semi-contemplative mood and as soon as I walk in the door, my ears are bombarded with sappy, cheesy love songs. The first time this happened, I tried to ignore Boyz II Men as they were singing "I'll Make Love to You" while I compared the sugar content of different cereals. The second time, however, I started to wonder if someone @ Albertson's had it out for my mental well-being. I usually love Boyz II Men, just not that particular song. And lately I'm not in the mood for love songs - no matter how happy or sad.

I go to the grocery store alone and I leave alone. And I'm okay with that, really. But honestly, I'm at the store because I need to buy food, not be reminded of all the pseudo-happy people in their mediocre relationships. Sing me a song about the amazing sale on boneless chicken breasts or how really great the orange juice is on aisle 9, not your sex life or lackthereof.

Tonight I decided to try Safeway instead of Albertsons, thinking I would have better luck. Bad idea. First off, the produce selection is horrible and second, Bryan Adams was belting out "Please Forgive Me." Oh Bryan, you don't really mean that.. My cynicism strikes again.

Maybe the heart of the issue is that I'm secretly longing for someone to sing me a song - and mean what they say. Maybe I'm tired of reading books about all the great things I can do as a single. Maybe I just want someone to fall, really fall, in love with me - and stay that way forever. I KNOW KNOW KNOW that only God can satisify my deepest longings and desires. This isn't new information; it's been engrained in my head for as long as I can remember and it still doesn't change the fact that I desperately want to meet the man that I will spend the rest of my life with. God created man - and woman - in his image. He saw that it was not good for man to be alone, so He gave him a helper. What do I have, but peace that God is in control and that He will orchestrate an amazing love story when it's the right time. Until then...

This is all for You!

Why do we waste so much time on meaningless things? Why do we say that God is our everything, that we give Him everything, when in reality, we have a tight deathgrip on many, many things in our lives? What are we so afraid of?

God has promised to never leave nor forsake us. He has promised to be faithful to complete the good work He began in us. He has promised to work all things for good to those who love Him. You love Him, right? You trust him, right? Then why do you keep holding on to things He has asked to give to Him. God will never lead you astray. Instead He will guide and direct you. HE WILL KEEP YOU IN PERFECT PEACE IF YOUR MIND IS FOCUSED ON HIM. So stop worrying. Have no fear. The creator of the universe has it all under control. Here's your chance to lay all your burdens at His feet. Here's your opportunity to cast your cares on the Lord. He will sustain you. He will never permit the righteous to be moved.

If you are not in perfect peace right now, than maybe you are doing something that is out of His will. Or maybe He is using this time to cause you to draw nearer and nearer to Him. Continue seeking His guidance and you will not be led astray. Take hold of the truth that He is impressing on your heart. He loves you so much and wants to bless you, but you have to be willing to truly surrender everything to Him.